okay everything's just not working right.i've tried talking to him but i guess he didn't wanna talk about it or sth.and im questioning whether he's really telling me the truth.the main purpose of talking to him is to get everything settled but it seems like it's not.he's not cooperating with me.and i dont wanna force him to tell me the truth either.i dont know what else to do.seriously.and i just dont understand.he feels so much for me when we weren't even close.and he just refuse to tell me whatever he feels.it's two diff person when i talk to him and when he writes in his blog.why cant he just tell me the truth?WHY?WHY?WHY?
cheer me; 3:59 PM
Monday, September 24, 2007
seems like the world's crashing down on me.ahh okay maybe not that bad.okay here's an update of my unlucky love life.i've tried to avoid him and this is what i get in return.i'm not blaming anyone here.maybe it was my fault in the first place to talk to him first.well guys i suppose are just pain in the asses yet they are still craved by us girls.ironic but it's reality.how i wish i could be dead now.what with stupid studies not doing me good.maybe my mind has degraded.i couldnt remember facts for bio and chem.freaky shiet.and promos is nxt tuesday.how great.okay lets not digress.i don't want him to have feelings for me so that's why i decided to start being cold towards him.okay that wasn't the best move.but what else can i do?and now he's like blaming me when he didn't even confess anything about his feelings to me.furthermore,it's barely 2 months or so we've known each other.he doesn't even know me.and we've never talked on the phone nor face to face before and yet he confessed in his blog that it was his favourite mistake to love me.what bull crap is this?i have a strong feeling that he is confused with the meaning of infatuation and love.how can you fall for someone so easily in barely than 2 months.he doesn't know me inside out.nothing about me.yet he's confessing love?goddd.okay below is an extract of his blog.enjoy it okay.
Sunday,September 23 haish.i'm walking out. and i think you didnt realsie it. cos you don't even care.
the hardest part about dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up.
Friday, September 21 i'm breaking down,FACE DOWN!!! i see what's going down. and that's me. as the lyrics enunciate, STOP PRETENDING! if you don't like me messaging you,tell me. don't waste your time, and your money on the sms-es. it's better if you hurt me now,then getting worse later. at least let me accept it,yes you're not interested. at least let me accept it,yes you have someone else. and at least let me accept it, yes you don't like me. don't leave me in the dark. haish.. i'm downcasted,low in spirits. tell me, do you know how it feels like? to live in disappointment, with just a few drops of hope. and it's heart-wrenching damn it!!
Loving you was my favourite mistake
so how was THAT? some things which i have to disagree with what he wrote. i dont have someone else in my life and dont wish to have anytime near.but if fate has it that i will like a guy anytime soon,well i couldn't help it then.hahs. and yes i know how it feels like to live in disappointment.especially when it comes to love and feelings for the opposite sex. and IM NOT PRETENDING ANYTHING.it's a clear cut message that yes i don't want to associate with you cos i dont want you to have any feelings for me.but it was too late.it's not worth crying over spilt milk. well initially i felt bad cos i hurt his feelings.i've never wanted and expected for this to turn out this way.and i'm afraid he will hate me for this incident.i dont want anyone to hate me.i want everyone to be my friends.no hard feelings but i doubt that will become a reality.i suppose once a guy got hurt,they'll never forgive you.oh wells.if this is the fate that i have to face,yes i will face it.even if i need to sacrifice some things.
AND i like this comment posted by anonymous on his blog. anonymous: love is something you can't force. it exists if fate decides for it to exist. what is important is not giving up. because sincerity can move even a heart of stone.
mus-anonymous: maybe it's fated not to be the way i want it to be. thanks for those wise words though. really appreciate it. and im just wondering, do we know each other?
we'll see if he decides to not give up.well if he doesnt then i would really know that yes it's not just another infatuation but it's love.but if he does,then i guess he's just hopping around.
cheer me; 5:51 PM
Monday, June 18, 2007
OH.he got castrated yesterday. such a pity.such a handsome boy. to lose your virginity at such a young age. mwahaha.and that doctor had to scare me with all those shiets talking about the probable side effects after the castration. "less than 1% of the cats who got castrated actually die." PANG!and i pictured my cat lying helplessly. POOF.i came back to reality. "there are drugs to reverse the reaction but they will die faster" ERK.but i thought the drug was supposed to help the cat?well, i find that funny actually.it's supposed to heal you but it'll make you die faster?ironic? haha.bullcrap right?after i left his fate to the doctor,i prayed he would be safe. the operation was at ard 11 i think.i wasnt her assistant so i wouldnt know! anw,i went to the reception to ask about my cat. the first thing she showed me was the "flesh" of the balls. EEK.i took a quick glance and look away. she just had to show me that the first thing i came? my father said it's like the shape of the flesh of a cockle.haha. i didnt dare to look at it.the veins and blood.OOOHH.yucky. i hope he's okay.he's been a pretty naughty cat who refuse to sit and rest once he reaches home.you know why? coz he's been fasting since the night before. and yes he had to fast for 20 hrs,(i actually counted)before he could eat. he actually fasted for hours more than me. it was amazing.and i think he's much more skinnier than me. haha.he still got the energy to walk around.the funny thing was,he paced up and down from my mom's toilet to the kitchen and back to her toilet and back to the kitchen. and HE NEVER GAVE UP.how cute.he kept searching for food and water. it was heart wrenching to see him like that but i had no choice,do i? anw,i've been rotting at home like a piece of shiet. and i hate studying.i feel like resigning and start working. like anyone would want me.AH.i'll work for the SPCA.haha oh this piece is CRAP!!!
cheer me; 3:57 PM
Thursday, April 12, 2007
this is a long time due video of ayunan dewi's performance on the day of public speaking competition on a friday.the starting might be abit long and rocky.as in the graphics.but what's important is the synchronization.i think i'm the one 4 from the left of the video.you can't see it clearly.you might if you wanna attend the june performance at esplanade but you have to pay darlings.hehs.it's open to the public i think.if you are interested to watch it,i'll update you when the it's nearer.the big thing's called "Manifestasi".it's on 1st of june.yup yup.nothing for me to update actually.and yeah,please give comments and not like "update!"gosh.could you be more interesting?toodles.
cheer me; 8:55 PM
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
hey believe it or not,i felt an earthquake. serious.this was the first time i'm experiencing it. so it was kinda funny.i thought i was having a headache or sth. i was rocking from side to side. then i stared into the computer screen. just to make sure it was really shaking. then,it didn't stop. so i stood up.i stared out the window. haha.expecting the road to rock with me from side to side.haha.stupid lah. then it stopped.thank god. i had wild thoughts rushing through my mind when i felt it. i thought the ground was gonna split into two or sth.very dramatic.i know. but i just couldn't help it.haha. i think the world's gone VERY wrong. there's alot of natural disasters all over. scaary.but it was very proactive of waany to think of a radio coz it didn't even cross my mind.actually,when i felt it i froze together with my brain.haha. brainfreeze.like suddenly you lost your mind. yes.you just don't know what to do. you feel so lost.just hope someone would rescue you.haha.so drama mans.eek. yeah whatever.
people all the best for your future okay? make full use of the opportunity given. turrah.
cheer me; 3:19 PM
i prefer rotting at home rather than to go school. haha.weird as it is,it's true. school's starting pretty soon.*gasps* no more slacking.no more teevee. but when you think about it again, it's barely 2 years that i'm gonna be stuck there. it's gonna rush like mad. and by the time i wake up from my dreams, i'll be graduating and on my way to university. insya allah.ooh ooh. i hope everything works out well tml and for the next two years(?). *prays hard*
i need a day out.hint hint.haha i'm so worked out by school. so...i'm waiting.=)
cheer me; 8:39 AM
Sunday, March 04, 2007
One could come from less than humble beginnings To become a winner from within
cheer me; 4:57 PM
Friday, March 02, 2007
cheer me; 6:10 PM
ZEE;
i don't feel there's a need for one.
you know.i know.we know.
THAT'S MORE THAN ENOUGH RUZANNA. ♥♥
adores AYUNANDEWI ♥♥
TPJC. justTRYtoknowme
